


Miss Congeniality

by Mermaid1354



Category: Miss Congeniality (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:53:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29541948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mermaid1354/pseuds/Mermaid1354
Summary: When Gracie accepted the mission to be a contestant in the Miss United States pageant she never meant to fall in love.  This fic is basically a rewrite of the movie, but gayer.
Relationships: Gracie Hart/Cheryl Frasier
Kudos: 3





	Miss Congeniality

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed that there weren't any fics for Cheryl and Gracie, so I decided to write one myself.  
> Also, I think that every time one of the pageant girls speaks that I matched them up with the right name, but I’m not entirely sure, since I matched them based on looking at the names that Cheryl introduced to Gracie at the orientation breakfast and looking at the actresses picture on IMBD and seeing if it resembled the lady who looked like she just said something. Also, some of them just don’t have names beyond their state, as far as I can tell.  
> (This is tagged explicit, but it doesn't get so until the end.)

Gracie sits in a restaurant reading a russian grammar book. Only, this book also acts as a way to disguise a camera and monitor. See, Gracie is an FBI agent who is currently working a case, and is tasked with watching for the exchange of a disc. Gracie sits there, pretending to read her book, but is actually observing her targets through the monitor. After watching them for a while the third and final target arrives. Just as the men are making the deal, and exchanging the disc and money, one of the restaurant employees stands between Gracie and the deal. The FBI needs visual confirmation that the deal is going down. Gracie gestures for the woman to come over to her, and engages in a conversation with the woman, getting her out of the way of the camera, so that they can get a clear view of the deal going down.  
“Movin’ in.” Says McDonald. And all of the agents make their way into the restaurant to arrest the men. Gracie pulls out a gun of her own, and points it towards the men. One of the men tries to claim that they don’t know English, so Gracie speaks to them in Russian. The man laughs, and chokes on the nut that he is eating. Gracie is worried about the man, and moves toward him slightly, wondering if she should help him.  
“Hart! Nobody moves until I see some Goddamn "Lazhitsa na pol."  
The man continues to choke and Gracie continues to struggle with deciding whether she should help him, or follow her commander’s orders. Ultimately she decides that she will save this man from choking on a nut. He’s not gonna die like this, he’s not good enough for that. And she moves in to perform the heimlich.  
After she saves him from choking on a peanut she attempts to handcuff him, but he pulls a knife off the table, and holds it to her throat, in an attempt to get out of this situation. Gracie can’t believe the nerve on this guy and disarms him. This leads to the FBI and the Russians to start shooting. As Gracie is arresting the man who threatened her she notices that one of her fellow agents was shot. She can’t help but feel like that might be her fault, for disobeying an order, but what was she supposed to do, let this man choke on a peanut in front of her?  
As the police and ambulance arrive, and start taking the injured and witness statements Gracie watches it all, and can’t get over the guilt that she feels. Agent Matthews starts talking to her, but she can’t get over how Grant got shot because she moved. His attempt to comfort comes in the words of “You made a choice. It was wrong, but come on it’s over.” She can feel her eyes roll out of her head. Do men really think this way, she wonders. And then he has the audacity to say “By the way, you look like hell.” Of course she looks like hell. She just saved some Russian guy’s life, and then fought and arrested him, and in the process got a colleague shot. She’s allowed to look like hell, because hell just came through. If she has to hear another one of Eric’s helpful little comments she might just strangle him, and show him what hell looks like. 

Gracie comes home, angry that nothing is going well today, first she makes a decision that gets Agent Grant shot, and now her microwave won’t close, and her bed keeps getting in her way. Hoping to find a way to work through her feelings Gracie turns on some music, and begins punching the punching bag hanging from her ceiling. As she punches the thoughts won’t leave her mind, and she punches faster and harder, hoping that might help, it does not, and she breaks down, and starts crying. How is she supposed to feel okay? The consequence of her actions and inability to follow an order means that one of her coworkers got shot. After crying for a bit, she decides that she’d rather work out her emotions through violence, and continues to punch the punching bag. 

The next morning she gets a call, they need her to get everyone’s coffee. She feels reassured. She’s not sure if she’s ready to face everyone yet, but she can handle picking up everyone’s coffee. Gracie comes into the office, bearing everyone’s Starbucks order. She talks to Matthews, hoping to know how McDonald is feeling about the move that she pulled last night. He is less than helpful telling her to forget the issue, not to bring it up, and not to argue with McDonald. She takes a moment to calm down before she strangles him. Does he not understand that this issue is eating her up inside? How can she not worry about it?  
McDonald comes in, greeting everyone. She greets him in return, hesitant, wondering if she should bring up what happened last night. But before she can make up her mind, he continues walking, and the rest of the team follows him as he begins the morning’s meeting.  
He tells them that Grant is fine, he’ll only be in the hospital for two weeks. Relief washes over Gracie. At least she didn’t get him killed. But, she’s still wondering why McDonald hasn’t confronted her about her actions. Mc Donald continues the meeting, talking about their latest target The Citizen. They haven’t been able to decipher any of the clues that he leaves behind, until it’s too late. McDonald tells Agent Matthews to take point and run the op, and then ends the meeting. As McDonald leaves the room Gracie attempts to talk to him again about what happened last night, and follows him out.  
He scolds her for not following orders, and tells her that until after the hearing in two weeks she is banned from field work. She is understanding, but feels that she should be working on the Citizen case, she has skills that would be valuable in helping to find out who he is. McDonald denies her request, her actions last night were too rash, and put her fellow agent’s lives at risk. He can’t take that chance. 

Gracie goes to lunch at a bar, there she reads and rereads The Citizen’s latest note, trying to decipher what it might mean. Matthews comes to the bar to talk to her about the case. She makes polite talk with him, jealous and angry that he got put on The Citizen case, but she wasn’t. She knows that she can find him, if only she’s given the chance. Gracie asks if he wants to join her for lunch, but he’s meeting up with a girl. Gracie looks over at the girl he calls Beth. She takes a moment to look at the girl. This girl is way too young to be with Matthews, or any of the agents really. But, Gracie can’t help but admire the beauty of this young girl. Looking at her Gracie feels a small twinge of attraction. She turns back to her ice cream before she stares at her for too long. Matthews introduces Beth to Gracie and they shake hands. Gracie’s hand lingers in the girl’s hand for a moment longer than necessary. Girl’s hands are so soft and small. Matthews tells Beth that Gracie is an agent, and the girl says “Wow.” After holding the girl’s hand Gracie can’t think of anything else to say and replies “Right back to ya.” With a large dopey grin on her face. She turns back to her ice cream, a girl shouldn’t be making her feel this way. Matthews tells Gracie that Beth is doing a paper about law enforcement and Gracie shivers a little. Not only is this girl pretty, but she’s got brains too.  
“You know, Gracie, I would love to get a woman’s point of view.” The girl says, leaning a bit closer to Gracie, and smiling. Matthews interrupts before Gracie can reply, and implies that Gracie is not a woman. Gracie does her best to hold back the urge to punch Matthews. Beth asks Gracie if all the women in the Bureau wear masculine shoes. Gracie takes a moment to think about how she should reply.  
“Oh, no. I get these made special by the same guy that put the tattoo on my ass.” She replies, thinking that Beth is insulting her fashion sense. Beth nods when she hears the reply and smiles at Gracie. Matthews rushes Beth out, before the conversation can go any further. “It was nice meeting you.” Beth tells Gracie, a flirtatious look on her face, as she leaves with Matthews. Gracie turns to watch them leave, her gaze lingering on Beth. She quickly turns back around, she should not be having these thoughts. She goes back to the Citizen letter, and tries to put Beth out of her mind.  
She quickly forgets all about Beth when she realizes that she just might know how The Citizen coded this letter. She rushes to back to the agency and to agent Matthews, she excitedly tells him that she figured it out, but he just brushes her off. She gets angry about the dismissal, she figured it out, he’s targeting the Miss United States Pageant. But he tells her that intelligence already figured that out. She makes a small angry noise. She figured this out, and why did no one tell her that intelligence had already deciphered the letter. She thought that she was part of the team.  
She and the guys head back to one of the task rooms, where the team is set up. It has a variety of materials about the pageant. Gracie flips through one of the magazines, admiring the pretty girls, and their beautiful bodies. Then she frowns, thinking is this the way that she is expected to look? Is she meant to look this feminine all the time? But, she doesn’t look like them, she doesn’t have a body like theirs. Gracie enjoys dressing in a more masculine fashion, she likes expressing her femininity in this way. Gracie looks up from the magazine as she hears Matthew ask the team what they should do now. Gracie waits a moment as all of the men fumble around, unsure of what to do. After she’s had enough of their incompetence she suggests that they call the network and pageant to set up a meeting, since the agency will need their cooperation to catch this guy. Another agent asks about jurisdiction, since the pageant is in Texas. Gracie reassures them that he's under their jurisdiction, but they should make a call to the office down in Texas, so they don’t feel blind sided and betrayed. Matthews talks to the team, and acts as if these ideas were his own. And the men on the team take it, despite having heard Gracie say them. Gracie continues talking, not even noticing this happening, and suggests that they need someone in the pageant. Matthews agrees. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I’m thinking.” And the nen agree again. “Good idea boss.” Grace takes a few deep calming breaths. Those were all her ideas and thoughts, why does Matthews get to take credit for them. But she thinks back to what happened with Grant, and decides that she doesn’t want to make a scene, and bites her tongue, saying nothing.  
Matthews tells them that he knows exactly which agent it should be. He brings them all to a computer, where he shows them the picture of the agent he has in mind. Gracie takes a moment to appreciate her, and begins to read the info that accompanies the picture. As the guys are ogling her, and seeing what she looks like in various outfits Gracie sees that she’s on maternity leave. When the men are about to choose her for the task Gracie alerts them to the problem. Matthews asks the guy on the computer to look for all of the female agents under thirty-five. The first woman to come up is one that is not conventionally attractive, and would be unable to pass as a beauty pageant contestant. The male agents decide to make a bit of a game of this, and begin to pull up the pictures of various agents, and see how hideous they look in swimsuits and dresses. Gracie sticks around to admire the beautiful women, and make sure that they don’t take their game beyond the point of forgiveness. After one of the agents pulls up Matthews and puts his picture in a dress, Matthews decides that he’s got a good one himself, and pulls up McDonald’s pictures. As he’s pulling them up the rest of the group scatters as McDonald approaches, but Matthews is oblivious, until he’s the only one reacting to McDonald in a one piece swimsuit. While McDonald is scolding Gracie for not being at a desk, buried in paperwork the agent at the desk pulls up her picture, and puts her in a swimsuit. Gracie scoffs at the idea. She’s not feminine in the slightest, nor does she have any desire to be. There’s no way that she’s going into the pageant. 

Gracie heads to the gym to blow off some steam. She is punching a dummy, when Matthews comes into the gym to try and convince her to infiltrate the pageant. Gracie is convinced that the only people who compete in beauty pageants are airhead bimbos, who want nothing more out of life than world peace.  
Matthews won’t let it go, and starts talking about how she has a nice enough body to pull it off, and grabs her ass. Gracie sees red, and turns around so fast Matthews doesn’t even see it, and places him in a choke hold. What gives him the right to touch her without permission? Nothing. Gracie is convinced that he is roping her into this because McDonald hates her. He denies that. She asks if it's a woman thing. He body slams her into the ground, and all the men in the gym whoop and holler. “Don't kid yourself. Nobody thinks of you that way.” He says. Gracie brings her leg up and then back down into the side of his neck for that comment. Just because Gracie likes dressing in masculine clothing rather than feminine clothing does not mean that she isn’t a woman. She gets up and puts him in another hold, asking if McDonald is doing this to punish her. He tells her that it’s actually the opposite, he had to beg McDonald for the chance to let Gracie compete in the pageant. She’s confused and he uses her temporary confusion to break out of the hold. He attempts to place her in a hold of his own, but she pins him down, holding his head between her thighs. He struggles to get out, as she tells him “This may come as a shock to you but I’ve never been in a beauty pageant before. I don't even own a dress. I don't even own a brush.” As she tells him this he uses this as an opportunity to bring his legs up and around her torso, pinning her. “Which part of that is supposed to shock me?” He asks. Gracie is infuriated, and squeezes her thighs together crushing his neck. Both Gracie and Matthews struggle to free themselves from the other’s hold. Gracie thinks about it for a moment as she struggles. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She’d be surrounded by beautiful women all day, and she’d be able to express more of her femininity. She begins to concede. “Alright. Let's suspend reality for like a second and pretend like I said yes. I’ve got to do like everything? Like the whole . . . the whole big hair . . . and the makeup and the--”  
“Damn right.” He replies. “The spinning, the twirling, the smiling, the cute little tap number.” He says, emphasizing the last point by drumming his fingers along her crotch. Gracie smacks his hand away. Matthews is getting too handsy for her taste, and the rage gives her enough strength to break out of his hold. She stands up and slams her elbow down into his back, and then lifts him up into another choke hold. Matthews grabs her, and throws her down onto the mat. Convinced that he’s won the fight, he stands up and spins around, his arms raised victoriously, while all the men in the gym whistle and applaud him. Gracie takes a moment to catch her breath while he’s showboating. Matthews comes back to tower over her and gloat. “So you’re saying that I have to wear the bathing suit?” She asks him. “Yeah, ya have to wear the bathing suit.” He says in the most condescending way possible. “Okay.” Gracie says, and uses this opportunity to kick Matthews behind his knees and bring him down to the ground.  
“Where am I going to put my gun?” Gracie asks him. How is she supposed to be an agent, and protect these girls without her gun. “No place I want to know about.” He replies, smacking her ass. Gracie is furious, what is it that makes Matthews think that he has any right to touch her the way that he has. She wants to hit him again, but she is still recovering from that body slam, so she holds onto this, and will pay him back for his actions later. 

Later that day Matthews brings Gracie into the city to meet up with the pageant officials. As they walk Gracie tells him. “Ugh. What could possibly motivate anyone to enter a beauty pageant is beyond me.” “Scholarship money, a chance to see the world, broaden your horizons, meet new people.” He says, listing off the possible reasons. Gracie rolls her eyes. “So join the marines. It’s like feminism never even happened. You know? I think any woman that does this is catering to some misogynistic neanderthal mentality.” “You know, I dated a young Miss Scarsdale last month.” Gracie rolls her eyes, he’s only proving her point. “Oh my god, can you really be this superficial?”  
They arrive at the building, and begin talking with the officials. They are hesitant to put an agent in the pageant. “Miss Morning side, we understand how important this uh, beauty pageant is to you and so--” Gracie begins before Miss Morningside interrupts her, explaining that it isn’t a beauty pageant, it’s a scholarship program ever since she took a place of leadership. The girls mean everything to her, she would rather have the pageant be canceled before one of the girls gets hurt. Matthews explains that the network refuses to cancel the pageant. Mr. Fields takes a moment to process this, and voices his concern. “What state is she going to be from? All the winners have already been chosen.” Matthews reassures him that he doesn’t need to worry about that, they’ve found some information about Miss New Jersey. “Yeah and her performance in a little film called Arma Get It On.” Gracie says, laughing. “Was that her?” Mr Fields asks. “Oh yeah.” Gracie replies, laughing. She watched the film, and can indeed confirm that it was her. She only watched the film to confirm that it was Miss New Jersey. She didn’t at all watch it because Miss New Jersey is beautiful, and did some great work in the film. “So she was probably gonna drop out pretty soon if ya know what I’m sayin’.” Gracie tells Miss Morningside and Mr. Fields. The two of them are confused, but Miss Morningside asks if they have an agent in mind for the task. Gracie raises her hand, indicating that she is the agent. Miss Morningside laughs, believing this to be a joke. She quickly stops laughing when she realizes that it isn’t and apologies. She decides that they’re going to need some help, and gives them the number of a pageant consultant, Victor Mellings. 

Gracie and Matthews are to meet Victor at a restaurant. They arrive, and she greets him. He takes a moment to give her a once over, and declares. “If you are Grace Hart I quit, here and now.” Gracie laughs, nervously. “Yeah, I’m having a bad hair day. Bad hair decade, really.” She informs him. Matthews introduces himself to Victor. “I’m Eric Matthews, we spoke on the phone.” Victor compliments his hair. “Your hair is perfect, however, I can’t accept this job. There’s no way on earth that I can make this woman ready in two days.” Gracie’s face falls. Is she really that ugly? Is she so masculine that there is no way to bring out her feminine side. Matthews talks Victor into giving Gracie a chance. Victor takes a moment to look over Matthews before agreeing. Matthews is conflicted for a moment about whether he should stay or not. But, he remembers that he’s not into men, let alone older men, and hurriedly leaves. Gracie protests, saying that he doesn’t actually have anything to do. He insists that he does, and tells Victor that he’ll see him later and they’ll hang out, and then realizes that that sounds too much like he’s flirting, and then promises to get him an official FBI cap. Realizing that doesn’t sound much worse he leaves before he can dig himself any further, he’s into women, not men he reminds himself. As Matthews leaves Victor sighs, “What a pity,” and watches Matthews’ ass as he leaves. Gracie and Victor sit down for lunch and he immediately gets to work on coaching her. “It is always yes, never yeah.” he tells her. She rolls her eyes so hard they almost fall out of her head. As they’re dining Gracie questions him about how long he’s been a pageant coach. He replies that he couldn’t understand her question around the half eaten steak that’s still in her mouth. Gracie knows that she shouldn’t talk with food in her mouth, but she’s also argumentative, and takes a lot of people’s personal judgements about her, maybe a little too personally, and asks him if she’s offended him in some way. In response he asks her “Did you know, I was once the most sought after, highly paid consultant in pageant history?” Gracie doesn’t care about this and her reply is dripping with sarcasm “I had no idea.” She tacks on a faux British accent to accentuate just how little she cares. He then starts to tell her, lecture her really about his career. Gracie couldn’t care less, and traces her finger around the edge of her crystal glass so that it begins to sing. After they’re done with lunch Victor teaches Gracie how to glide. As the two of them make their way through the city they reach a crosswalk, where a cab attempts to run them over. “Hey! I'm gliding here!” Gracie yells at the driver and smacks the hood of the car. “Hey what are you blind?” The driver yells back. “Asshole.” Gracie retorts, and finishes gliding across the street. Victor does his best to hold back his laughter.

Later that day on the plane to Texas, Victor has Gracie watch some videos of past pageants to show her how she should behave and act during the pageant. Gracie watches the videos and mocks them for their superficiality. But, she can’t help but admire their beauty. The minute that the plane lands Gracie is ushered into a nearby hangar where over the course of the night she is made over. Her hair is combed out, washed, colored, and straightened, her teeth are cleaned and whitened, her nails are cleaned and shaped, every stray bit of hair is removed from her body, she is tanned to the “perfect” shade, and is moisturized until she can slide down a slip-n-slide without the assistance of water. She’s also given the equipment that she needs for the mission, an earbud for receiving and transmitting messages between her and her fellow agents, a camera for the FBI to monitor the situation, and a new identity. Gracie Lou Freebush. By the time that Gracie exits the hangar she fits neatly into the standard ideal of male beauty. Matthews tries to give her shit about it, but she replies. “I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I am starved and I’m armed. Don’t mess with me.”

Gracie and Victor arrive at the hotel, where a bus waits to carry the contestants to the orientation breakfast. Matthews talks to her through the ear piece. “Okay Gracie Lou, listen up. Operation Thong has commenced.” Gracie rolls her eyes, why do men think that they’re cute or clever. She tells him to taze himself. Miss Morningside greets them, and leads Gracie to the bus. Gracie climbs onto the bus, and looks for a free spot to sit. As she’s looking around she can’t help but feel like it’s elementary school again where she has no friends, and doesn’t know where to sit. Just as she thinks that she won’t get a seat one of the girls calls out to her. “Hey, New Jersey. This one’s empty.” Gracie sits down, and thanks her. Gracie turns towards her as the girl introduces herself.  
“I'm Cheryl from Rhode Island.” Gracie begins introducing herself, but Cheryl interrupts her, already knowing who she is. “Gracie Lou Freebush. I memorized the orientation pamphlet. I know all 49 ladies by name and picture. Fifty, including myself. Your picture wasn't there, so I knew it was you from your lack of picture.” Gracie is both impressed and still feels out of her element being surrounded by all of these gorgeous women.  
Miss Morningside claps her hands together to get the attention of all the women on the bus. She suggests that they all sing a song for the ride. All of the women all nod and give verbal agreement to that suggestion, and they all begin singing the pageant’s song. Gracie glances around in confusion. How do they all know this song? She doesn’t know this song. Should she know this song? The bus leaves the hotel bringing them to the location for the orientation breakfast. 

Gracie sits on the bus beside Cheryl, and looks around at all of the women as they sing. She can’t help but appreciate the way that they all look. They all look, so put together and beautiful. Do they make the effort to look like this all of the time, or is it just for the sake of the pageant? Gracie wonders.  
After they finish singing the song Cheryl turns to Gracie, smiling. “I didn’t hear you singing.” She says as both a statement and a question. “Oh, yeah, my singing voice isn’t ready this early in the morning.” Gracie tells her. Cheryl smiles and laughs. Gracie stares at her, unsure of what to say. Cheryl looks blindingly beautiful in that moment. Gracie swallows hard and reminds herself to breath. This is going to be a lot harder than she originally thought. 

Cheryl and Gracie enter the breakfast room together, and Gracie tells Matthew that she’s entering. Cheryl grabs Gracie’s arm. “Oh look there’s our table!” She says excitedly and leads Gracie over. Gracie jolts at the sudden contact, and then smiles when she realizes that it’s just Cheryl. Gracie leans slightly into this contact, savouring Cheryl’s touch. As Gracie and Cheryl make their way to the table Gracie snags some bread. Victor has not let her eat a carb since he made her over. She is starving. They reach the table and Cheryl introduces Gracie to the other ladies at the table. “Karen Krantz, New York. Mary Jo Wright, Texas. Belinda Brown, Tennessee. Leslie Davis, California. And Alana Krewson, Hawaii.”  
Gracie smiles at each lady. After Cheryl introduces them she sits down and begins putting cream cheese on a bagel. She is so happy to have the chance to eat a carb. Gracie listens to the other ladies at the table talk to one another. They’re all talking about how happy they are to have made it this far.  
“It's an honor to have made it this far. Especially when you're from a small state--” Alana says. And Cheryl jumps in, “Oh that’s so true! Us Rhode Islanders--” But Alana interrupts her “I wasn’t finished. Did it sound like I was finished?” Cheryl begins to apologize, but Karen stops her. “Why are you apologizing to her? She's obviously been drinking too much Coppertone.” Before Alana and Karen can get much further into this argument Gracie decides to deescalate the situation and asks Alana a question. For some reason she doesn’t want Cheryl to feel bad about herself.  
“In Hawaii, don’t you use ‘Aloha’ for like both ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye?’” “So?” Alana asks in reply, not getting what Gracie’s point is. “So if you’re on the phone with somebody and they won’t stop talking how do you get them off because you say ‘Okay, take care, aloha.’ Don’t they like start all over again?” Cheryl takes a moment to process what Gracie said and then her face scrunches up and she starts laughing. All the other ladies at the table look at Cheryl with confusion. Gracie smiles, satisfied that Cheryl is laughing. Seeing Cheryl smile makes her really happy. “At least she thinks I’m funny.” She says to the other ladies, and takes another bite of her bagel.  
Miss Morningside steps up to a podium that’s been set up in the breakfast room and talks about how it’s an honor to serve as the director of the pageant. And the rest of the schedule for the girl’s day. And how tomorrow is the real beginning of the pageant. She then turns the mike over to Stan. He informs everyone in the room that he’s retiring this year.  
“That’s so sad he’s retiring.” Cheryl can’t help but say out loud.  
“Oh, he’s not retiring. I spoke to him this mornin’ and he blurted out the whole thing. They’re firin’ him. Goin’ for someone newer and younger.” Mary Jo informs everyone at the table. “I hope it’s Ricky Martin.” She says to herself. Gracie places her finger on the device in her ear, she wants to know if Matthews heard that. When she does a high pitched screech is let out from the device. She can’t help but exclaim in shock. Everyone in the room looks at her. “Jesus Christ!” She exclaims. That was really loud. She realizes that everyone is looking at her, and she hurriedly comes up with a cover for her little outburst. “I, uh, sorry I, uh, had a bit of my bagel and I forgot to pray.” She tells everyone. She gets down on her knees, and presses her hand together. “Dear Jesus,” Some of the more religious Christian girls in the pageant join her in praying. “Please forgive me for not praying before I had a bite of my bagel and schmear. Thank you very much.”

After the breakfast is over the ladies all get changed into some athletic clothing, together, where Gracie takes small glances at the surrounding women as they all get changed. As she glances around admiring their beautiful bodies she finds that her stare tends to linger on Cheryl. She shakes her head, banishing these thoughts from her mind. She finishes getting dressed and leaves the room.  
All of the ladies are put back on the bus and brought to the stage, where they are all taught how to do a dance number for later in the competition. Gracie smiles, happy to be surrounded by such beautiful and talented women. Somehow they also already seem to know the dance, but she is having trouble learning the moves and keeping in time with the music. How does everyone else make it look so effortless? She begins to think that part of her problem is that she’s not focusing on the choreography, so much as she’s focused on watching the women. But she swears that she’s just watching them to learn the choreography, not any other reason.  
After that Gracie settles into her room, which she is sharing with Mary Jo. Gracie can’t help but feel a little disappointed, she was rather hoping that she’d be able to room with Cheryl. Gracie settles into the room, unpacking her things. Mary Jo finishes before Gracie and showers before her. Gracie finishes unpacking while Mary Jo is in the shower, and she gathers everything she’ll need for when it’s her turn. Mary Jo steps out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her, and Gracie slips into the bathroom before she tries to get an eyeful of Mary Jo.  
Gracie undresses and slips into the shower. As she stands under the hot water her stress and worries from the day wash away. As she’s scrubbing her hair she thinks about the day, and most of her thoughts linger on memories of Cheryl. The way that she smiles at Gracie, the way that she laughs at Gracie’s jokes, the way that she’s kind to everyone. Gracie can’t help herself, and her hand begins to wander as she feels a heat between her legs. 

Gracie has climbed out of the shower, and slipped on a robe when she hears a light knock on the room’s door. She looks out of the peep hole to see who’s at the door. She sees Cheryl out there. Gracie takes a moment to prepare herself, and opens the door for her. “Hi!” Cheryl says, greeting Gracie. “Hi.” Gracie replies, plastering that she hopes is a friendly smile on her face, not a flirtatious one. Cheryl continues. “I hope I’m not disturbing you.” Cheryl says, almost like she’s just realized that she might be disturbing her. “Oh, no I was just, you know, I was grooming.” Gracie says, somewhat unsure of what to say. She can’t exactly say that she was just thinking intimately about her. “I made some of my famous hot chocolate!” Cheryl says, raising a thermos. “Oh.” Gracie says, smiling and nodding, unsure what that has to do with anything. Then she realizes what that means. “Oh! Um, well my uh roommate’s asleep, or she’s starting to mold. But, uh do you want to come in?” Gracie asks her. Cheryl gets a large smile on her face, and nods excitedly, before she ducks into Gracie’s room.  
Gracie sighs. What does Cheryl want with her? Gracie doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to get any closer to Cheryl. She’s already very much in her head. Cheryl excitedly jumps onto Gracie’s bed as Gracie shuts the door. Gracie follows Cheryl’s lead, and halfheartedly jumps onto the bed next to Cheryl. She freezes for a moment as she realizes that they’re both on her bed. Then she shakes her head. “Don’t go there.” She tells herself, it will only lead to disappointment, and besides Mary Jo is in the room too. “You know I um, I asked some of the other girls, but as soon as they heard the word chocolate they slammed their doors in my face. They didn’t even give me a chance to say non-fat.” Cheryl tells Gracie as she pours the hot chocolate out of the thermos and into the two mugs that she also carried with her. She hands a mug to Gracie, and then raises her own mug in a toast. “Here’s to world peace.” She says, laughing. Grace parrots the words. “World peace.” Is Cheryl really that shallow? She takes a sip of the hot chocolate at the same time as Cheryl. Cheryl moans at how good it is, while Gracie tries to keep hers down, grimacing at the lack of fat. She can’t keep it down, and spits it back into the cup. “Hot.” She murmurs, not wanting to offend Cheryl. “I’m sorry.” Cheryl mutters quietly. Gracie feels bad about that, but this really doesn’t taste like real food. “I have to tell you, I thought it was really great how you settled that argument today. ‘Aloha, aloha.’ That's why you're gonna win. You're so clever. You should tell jokes for your talent. What is your talent?”  
“Um. It’s uh, it’s kind of like it’s like, like a uh, surprise.” Gracie fumbles her way through the conversation. Cheryl thinks that Gracie’s going to win, when Cheryl herself is so perfect. Gracie doesn’t have a talent. She forgot about that. She has no talent. Unless you count fighting as a talent. But she doesn’t think they’ll allow that. “Uh, but don’t worry it’s nothing embarrassing, you know, not anything like baton twirling, or anything.” Gracie says, laughing at her own joke. Then she asks what Cheryl’s talent is. Cheryl’s face falls, and she looks away. Gracie realizes her mistake immediately. “Oh, Cheryl, I’m sorry.” Gracie says, quickly backpedaling, she doesn’t want to hurt Cheryl. “Twirling can be a real art. I saw this girl once, a cheerleader, doing it at a football game. And she lit her batons on fire and did a sexy dance. I wish I could do something like that.” Gracie thinks about seeing Cheryl twirling fire batons and doing a sexy dance. She stops herself before the fantasy goes too far. “Well, why can’t you?” Gracie asks her, confused. “Oh, my parents don’t like anything austentatious, and they really don’t like fire.” Gracie nods her head. That makes sense, but doesn’t seem like a good enough reason. Gracie then goes on to tell Cheryl that she thinks she could win, she’s believed in herself enough to get as far as she has. “Really?” Cheryl asks, like she doesn’t quite believe it. “”You’re so nice, and so smart, and so sensitive. You’re definitely gonna win.” Cheryl tells Gracie. This is when Mary Jo, who was trying to sleep has had enough of this conversation. She’s here to win too. She can no longer listen to these two talk back and forth and say that the other is going to win. “That’s it!” She exclaims. “Excuse me. I am in the middle of a REM cycle over here.” She tells Gracie and Cheryl. “I’m sorry.” Cheryl whispers. Gracie walks Cheryl to the door, and they wave goodbye to one another. Gracie smiles after Cheryl. This talk that they’ve had Gracie has come to see just how sweet and friendly Cheryl really is, and it doesn’t hurt that she's really cute too.  
Gracie finishes getting ready for bed, and lays down to sleep. She’s savoring the feeling of laying her head against the pillow when she hears someone tapping on the sliding glass door. Her eyes fly wide open. Who could that be? The tapping comes again. She groans in disappointment. She just wants to get some sleep. She climbs out of bed, and sees Matthews on the other side of the door. “What?!” She scream whispers at him. “You took your ear piece out. Vic needs you.” He tells her. “Now?!” She asks exasperated, there’s no way that he needs her this late at night. “Eric, I haven’t slept in two days.” She tells him. He tells her that he’ll give her a cookie. She takes a moment to think about it. She could use a cookie she goes with Matthews to Victor. “It better be a big one.” She says. She's also losing sleep because of this. 

“You don’t walk, you. . .float. Gently descending. You don’t look down. Go back up. Do it again. Never, ever look down. Okay, thighs touching. Touching, not clenching. There’s a gap between your knees and calves. Your calves and your ankles.” Victor gives Gracie very helpful coaching advice about how to walk down stairs for a pageant. “You know, right now there’s a huge gap between my brain and my spinal cord, alright.” Gracie tells him in reply. This is her first time doing anything like this, he could be a bit gentler and more understanding with her. She begins to walk back up the stairs to descend them again, but thinks better of it, and takes a moment to remove all of her weapons and other articles she has on her person as an agent, and hands them to Victor. “What, no armoured car?” He asks sarcastically, after seeing how much she was able to strap to her thigh. Gracie flicks her scarf over her shoulder. “That would be in my other dress.” She says, before climbing the stairs again. “By, the way, what are you planning to do for your talent?” Victor asks her. “Sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?” “I will do whatever you want me to, Yoda.” She tells him. “Oh, lord.” He let’s slip. “Agent Matthews!” He calls. “This woman has no talent.” “Gee, Vic, you don’t have to shout it out right in front of her.” “I was not told to provide a talent, and I’m certainly not equip to do so in the next five hours.” “Wait a minute. What the hell are you talking about?” Matthews asks Victor. Gracie takes this moment while Victor is distracted with this argument to attempt to eat a donut. She has no such luck, and he takes it away before she can take a bite. “I’m saying,” He continues, like the moment didn’t even phase him. “That tomorrow she’ll be on stage with nothing to do but convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.” He tells Matthews, and hands Gracie a carrot. She angrily grabs it, and eats it, imagining that it is a donut instead. “You also said you couldn’t make her beautiful in two days, and look at her now, look how gorgeous she is. I mean better than the car-wreck she was before.” Gracie started to smile at the compliment, until she heard the last half of his sentence. What kind of backhanded compliment is that? She’ll make him pay for that the next time that they spar. “My duties are clearly stated in a contract and I have fulfilled them all.” As the two men move away from the table laden with food Gracie takes this opportunity to stash some food on her person. “Listen to me, you talent her up by tomorrow morning or else--” Matthews begins to tell Victor, but Victor interrupts him. “Are you threatening me?” Victor asks, surprised. “Listen to me you old fruit cake.” Matthews replies. “How dare you,” Victor says, now full of disgust. He thought Matthews was better than that. “You cupcake!” Victor shouts at him, wanting to insult Matthews, but it ends up sounding like a pet name. Once again stepping in before the situation can get out of hand Gracie butts into the conversation. “Hey, hey, hey! Time out, time out, time out guys, There’s something that I know how to do. I haven’t done it since high school, but it’s kind of like riding a bike.” “You are not having sex on this stage.” Victor tells her. “I didn’t know that was an option.” She replies, hurt by his accusation, both that she hasn’t slept with anyone since high school, and that sex is the only thing that could possibly be her talent. “This thing, I just got to call room service.” She says, by way of explaining what her talent is. She starts to walk away, thinking that she’s both settled the argument and gotten away with taking some food, but Victor stops her. She groans and pulls the donuts out of her boobs where she stashed them. She’s about to get away with one of them, when one of the dogs that they brought in to sniff out bombs stops her. She stops and pulls the donut out of her thigh holster, upset that all she got was a carrot, and heads back to her room. “Happy you donut Nazi?” She asks him as she leaves. 

After her lessons with Victor are over Matthews walks Gracie back to her room. “Did I tell you that Stan Fields is getting fired?” Gracie asks Matthews, yawning. God, she’s so happy that she’s heading back to her room. She needs to get some sleep. “You just focus on being Gracie Lou, alright.” He says as a way of reply. “By the way you’re doing a great job. I thought the evening gown was, I mean, I totally bought it.” Gracie rolls her eyes, what is it with this man and compliments? At least this compliment was more of a compliment than an insult. Gracie goes back into her room, and gets what little sleep she can before the pageant begins.

While all the other girls are getting ready for the talent section of the pageant Gracie drinks coffee and tries not to fall asleep. When Cheryl sees her she comments on how tired she looks. “Oh, she had a busy night. I saw that gentleman stop by the room.” Mary Jo says. Alana and Karen start arguing about having a man in the room, but Leslie interrupts them. “Now hold on ladies, let’s just hear her side of the story. Are you sleeping with a judge?” She asks Gracie. Gracie laughs. “Oh, that guy. No, no, I-I-I I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease. I didn’t realize it was stupidity. Yeah, he is such a pathetic loser. It’s like I’m sorry he’s obsessed with me, but at some point it’s like ‘Hello! Move on. Get over yourself’ I mean his ego is like this big,” She says holding her arms wide. “But his equipment is like this big.” She says, holding her fingers close together. The girls all laugh as they continue talking about him. Gracie glances at Cheryl out of the corner of her eye to see how she handles his news. Cheryl looks like she’s taking the news fine. Gracie tries not to frown. What is she even frowning about?

The talent section of the pageant begins and all of the ladies go up on stage to perform their talents. After they’re all done Gracie comes up on stage wearing a German barmaid outfit, pushing a cart full of glasses that contain varying amounts of water, and some bells. Everyone laughs when they see her outfit. She begins to run her finger along the rim of a glass, but the pitch isn’t right. She drinks some of the water, and then runs her finger along the rim again, this time a pleasant pitch rings out. She runs her fingers along the different rims of the glasses and rings bells intermittently, creating a song. The audience laughs and applauds her performance.  
As she’s performing she looks out over the audience and notices a man that is carrying a gun. She smiles and speaks without moving her lips into her ear piece. “You might, uh, want to check out cowboy at one o’clock.” “My one o’clock or your one o’clock?” The voice in her ear asks. “The one under the white stetson.” She replies, all the while still continuing to smile and perform. “White stetson. There’s stetsons everywhere.” Matthews tells her through her ear. The man begins moving. She informs Matthews, thinking that he’s a shooter. Matthews tells her that they’re checking it out. The man searches for something in his pockets, and Gracie informs Matthews that he has a gun. When it seems like he’s about to pull the gun, Gracie ignores whatever Matthews is shouting into her ear, more worried about everyone’s safety. She abandons her performance and starts yelling “Gun, Gun. Down, down, everybody down,” as she runs across the stage and tackles the man. 

Matthews attempts to scold Gracie through the ear piece, but she ignores him, heading over to where all of the ladies are gathered together. She looks them over ensuring that they’re all fine. They all look fine. Her eyes land on Cheryl, and she steps towards her. “Are you alright?” She asks Cheryl. Cheryl smiles and nods. “I’m fine.” She frowns as she realizes something. “Are you alright?” She asks, as she gives Gracie a once over, looking for any scrapes or bruises. She sees a scratch on Gracie’s knee, and bends down to examine it further. “You’re hurt.” Cheryl says. Gracie glances at the scrape on her knee. “Oh, that’s nothing, I’ll be fine. “ She informs Cheryl. But, Cheryl grabs her hand. “No, it’s not. Let’s get you fixed up.” Cheryl says, leading Gracie towards the bathroom. As she does she collects a first aid kit from someone.  
She gestures for Gracie to sit down on the sink, and runs a sink until the water is warm. Once it’s at a tolerable temperature she wets a paper towel, and wrings it out so that it’s not sopping wet. Then she turns to Gracie, and begins to clean the scrape. Gracie inhales sharply as Cheryl presses the towel onto her scrape. “I’m sorry. Does that hurt?’ Cheryl asks, looking up at Gracie. Gracie shakes her head, she was startled by the other woman’s touch. She grits her teeth. She can get through this. Cheryl dabs the wound again, but this time more gentle. After she’s satisfied that the wound is clean, she pours some alcohol onto the towel, and then glances up at Gracie again. “This will sting a bit.” She informs her. Gracie nods. Cheryl gently presses the cloth against the wound, and Gracie winces. Cheryl finishes wiping the wound, and begins to blow on it, so that it can dry. Gracie’s breath hitches at the feeling. Cheryl smiles up at her. Once she’s satisfied that the wound is dry she pulls out a bandage, and gently places it over Gracie’s wound, her fingers lingering on Gracie’s leg. “And a kiss for good luck.” Cheryl says, as she leans down to place a kiss on the bandage. Gracie freezes for a moment, trying to process what just happened. Cheryl smiles at her again. “There, now you’re all better.” Gracie clears her throat before replying. “Thank you.” She says, her voice rough. Cheryl smiles again.  
Cheryl packs up the kit, and tells Gracie that she’s going to return it. Gracie takes a minute to catch her breath before she exits the bathroom herself. 

Miss Morningside calls Gracie into her office and plays a clip from a news station that covered the actions of tackling a man, who was just trying to light his cigarette. Miss Morningside stares at Gracie, looking for an answer to the unasked question of what was she thinking? Gracie rolls her eyes. “Look, he had a gun.” “Of course he had a gun. This is Texas, everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun.” She tells Gracie, exasperated. “I don’t have a gun.” Stan states. “My ancestors were Quakers.” “Stan, please.” Miss Morningside says, He is not helping her any. “Look, we're gonna assume any man with a weapon is a suspect.” Gracie explains to Miss Morningside. “Not, anymore,” Matthews butts in. “We got the DNA results, the envelope from The Citizen was licked by a woman.” “DNA?” Gracie asks, confused. “There’s never been any DNA before.” “Well, he slipped up. Or I should say she.” Matthews corrects himself.  
“This is preposterous. You people are completely clueless. If I ran my pageant like this we’d be holding it in someone’s basement.” Miss Morningside angrily tells Matthews. “Miss Morningside, every operation is bound to have it’s screwups.” Matthews tells her, trying to reassure her. “As far as I can see, she’s still with us.” Miss Morningside says, smiling. Gracie is offended, she’s trying her best, she’s never done anything like this before, she’s an agent, not a pageant queen. “Gentlemen, might I have a moment alone with Miss Hart please.” Miss Morningside asks. The men agree, and leave the ladies alone.  
“Look, I-I-I know I made a mistake. I’m sorry.” Gracies says, when she’s left alone with Miss Morningside. Miss Morningside nods, and takes a moment to think before she comments. “You know, I’ve been fighting all my life against your type. The ones who think we’re just a bunch of worthless airheads.” She says, chuckling. “You know who I mean. Feminists, intellectuals, ugly women.” Gracie is very offended by that last statement. She’s not ugly. “But, I refuse to give into their cynicism. That’s why I’ve dedicated my entire life to this scholarship program. And no one’s going to ruin that. Not this year. You get in my way, I will kill you.” She says smiling. “Do you understand?” She asks. Gracie is somewhat terrified of her now, and mutters “Uh, yeah.” “Yes.” Miss Morningside says, making Gracie jump. “Yes.” Gracie blurts out, and smiles, afraid. Miss Morningside holds her hand up to Gracie’s mouth. Gracie chews on her gum a few last chews before spitting it out into Miss Morningside’s hand. Miss Morningside leaves, and Gracie is able to breathe again.

“The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It counts for 30% of your total score.” Victor explains to Gracie.  
“Yeah, what’s the ther 70%? Cleavage?” She asks. He chuckles in response. He then begins to coach her on how she should sit.  
“Hands folded. Ankles crossed. Neck up. And remember, smile. Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.”  
“I would so love to hurt you right now.”  
“As long as you smile. Now, why is New Jersey called the ‘Garden State’?”  
“Because it’s too hard to fit oil and petrochemical refinement state on a liscene’s plate.” Grace replies, smiling.  
“You know, I don’t appreciate your selfishness and immaturity, when I’m working as hard as I am.”  
“You know what? What is the difference? Big deal. It is fixed. I’m in the top five. Congratulations to me.”  
“I-is that enough? Have you no pride in yourself? In your presentation?”  
“You know what? I’m a FBI agent, alright? I’m not a performing monkey in heels.”  
“You’re also a person and an incomplete one at that. In place of friends and relationships you have sarcasm and a gun.” Gracie is getting real tired of all of this pageant coaching. She just wants to do her job as an agent. She’s also very tired of all of Victor's insults and nitpicking about her every action.  
“Oh, I have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?”  
“And that is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist. And that works for me.”  
“You know what? I don’t have to have relationships because I don’t want any of them and I don’t have friends because I work 24/7, and you have no idea why I am the way that I am.”  
“Well, as we’re practicing interviews here, why are you the way you are?”  
“None of your damn business, that’s why!” Gracie is stressed out, and really needs to eat a donut right about now.  
“None of your damn business? Oh, the judges probably have never heard that before. We have more to do here.” Victor says, grabbing the donut out of Gracie’s hands. Gracie pulls out her gun and cocks it, pointing it at Victor’s head. She’s had enough of all of this.  
“No, we are finished.” Victor hands her back the donut and she storms away to find Matthews and tell him that she quits. She finds him at the pool. She sees a toy football at the side of the pool and throws it at him to get his attention.  
“Thought I’d let you know that I’m quitting, alright? Take care.” Gracie tells him as soon as she has his attention and then she turns to head towards her room to pack up.  
“Hold on a second. Wait a minute. What do you mean you’re quitting?” Matthews asks her.  
“I mean you got the wrong girl, alright?”  
“Hart, I don’t need this now.” Gracie takes a second to calm herself down. He doesn’t need this right now? This is not about him. How dare he make this about him?  
“I know you don’t need this right now. That’s what I’m saying, alright? I’m totally screwing up in there. I don’t even feel like a real agent anymore. And then Vic says this thing that’s like so--. You know I don’t care what he said. I don’t care. I-I-I don’t care. You know? Because I am the job. I am the job, and I’m okay with that. I mean you’re the job right? ” Gracie says, trying to sort through her feelings.  
“Yeah, I’m the job. We’re all the job.”  
“You’re the job, so what’s wrong with me?” Gracie asks. How is it that he can be the job and be considered normal, but somehow she’s not? Is it because she’s an ambitious woman who puts her job ahead of everything else? How is that a bad thing? Gracie doesn’t understand. “I date, I go on dates. I know that everyone thinks that I haven’t been on a date in about ten years. Is that what you think?” Gracie asks. She just doesn’t hold much interest in dating or men for that matter.  
“I think that you can date.”  
“Damn right I do. But, you know, both times it was totally screwed up. You know what, I don’t even care. I don’t care. All-all I wanna do is my job. And for the last three days, I-I feel like I’m completely lost.”  
“Hart, listen” Matthews says, “I’ve been waiting five years to run my own op. Think I’d vote on the wrong girl?” Gracie is frustrated, he is somehow making this about him again. How and why does he keep doing that?  
“No, no, no I know that the only reason you picked me is because I’m the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn’t on maternity leave.”  
“No, that’s why they let me pick you. You wanna know why I picked you?”  
“Lost a bet?” Gracie guesses.  
“Cause you’re smart. Because you don’t take crap from any people. You’re funny. You’re easy to talk to when you’re not armed. Give yourself a break. Cut Vic and the rest of the pageant ladies some slack, because if they ever get a chance to see what I see, then . . . They’re gonna love you. So, what do you say?” Gracie lets those words sink in a little bit. That does make her feel a bit better. She thinks that maybe if she were to date a man, Matthews wouldn’t be so bad.  
“Alright, I won’t let you down.”  
“Good, that’s what I want to hear.”  
“I mean, in all honesty I might let you down. But I’m, uh, gonna try my best not to.” She says, smiling, and feeling much better about everything.  
Matthews attempts to splash Gracie. She stops him, he is not going to ruin this beautiful dress. As she’s holding out her hand in a gesture that conveys to him that he should stop, he grabs her arm and pulls her into the pool. She shivers as she hits the cold water. When she breaks the surface she spits out the water that she swallowed, not prepared to be submerged in water.  
“Oh, Vic is gonna kill you.” Gracie tells him, wiping water off her face. “You’re in big trouble.”  
“Why? You fell.” Gracie glares at him. “You look good wet.” He tells her.  
“Shut up!” She yells at him. She doesn’t want to hear about this, especially not from him. 

Gracie walks into the dressing room, a towel wrapped around her body. She hasn’t shown this much skin since she was born. She admires all of the ladies who are just walking around, feeling confident about the amount of skin that they’re showing off. She takes a quick look at herself in the mirror, thinking that maybe she doesn’t actually look that bad. She quickly opens the towel to look at herself, and immediately folds the towel back over her body. Even if she doesn’t look bad, there’s no way that she’s confident enough to walk around showing this much of her body.  
“Those better be candy dishes.” Gracie says, when she sees Victor coming up behind her.  
“Turn around.” He tells her. When she does he stuffs her bra. As he does Gracie tries not to kill him.  
“Oh, good, I guess it’s time to apply to my local hooters.” Gracie says, turning around to see Victor holding up a tube of ointment. “What hemorrhoid ointment? You really think the judges are going to be looking that closely?”  
“It’s for the little baggies under your eyes.” he explains.  
“Really?” She asks. That’s a trick she’s never heard of before. She’ll have to keep that in mind. As she turns back to the mirror so that she can put the ointment under her eyes she sees Victor take out a can of hairspray.  
“Oh, good, hairspray, finally something I recognize.” She says, right before Victor proceeds to spray her ass.  
“What are you doing?!”  
“It stops the suit from riding up.” He explains to her.  
“Riding up where?”  
“Just up!”  
“That is enough!”  
“Why do you make things difficult?”  
“Oh yeah, I can see this is an incredibly embarrassing situation for you. Ah, okay why does Georgia get to wear a one piece and I have to wear this?” Gracie asks when she sees Miss Georgia fixing her hair out of the corner of her eye.  
“Listen, if you can do this you can convince anyone that you belong here.” Victor explains to her as all of the ladies are ushered to the stage.  
“Look, the last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus, okay? I-I-I don’t have any breasts and my thighs . . . I should be wearing a mumu, really. Look I’ve been avoiding this experience my entire life.”  
“And here it is. You must achieve a zen-like state. Listen to your breathing, feel your heartbeat, think of the Dalai Lama.” Victor says, as he rips the towel off of Gracie, and shoves her out and onto the stage.  
Gracie laughs at that “Dalai Lama.” That calms her down. The other thing calming her down is being able to see all of these beautiful confident women strutting around in their swimsuits. Her eyes scan through the ladies, searching. She doesn’t realize what she’s looking for until her eyes land on Cheryl. She notices the other girl looks away when Gracie’s eyes land on her, and blushes. Interesting. Gracie thinks to herself. 

“What is the one most important thing our society needs?” Stan asks Gracie as she starts the interview portion of the pageant.  
“That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.” After a beat she realizes that no one is reacting to her answer, and thinks of the other ladies’ answers. “And, world peace.” She says, tacking on the same answer that every other participant answered. Gracie walks off the stage, hands the microphone to the next girl, Cheryl. Their fingers brush together, and linger for a moment before Gracie pulls her hand away. She walks over to Victor.  
“That was charming. Are you drunk?”  
“Glad you enjoyed it. Now excuse me, I have to unscrew my smile.” She tells him. Matthews comes up to her with some more information about The Citizen case. “The blood test?” She asks him.  
“Photos.” He tells her, flipping through them. “Cheryl Fraiser, with members of a radical animals rights group, involved in several bombings. It’s always the quiet ones.” He tells her, jabbing his finger into the pictures of Cheryl at an animal’s rights protest. “Anyway, she fits the profile, lonely, introverted.” Gracie stares at the pictures. Those are pictures of Cheryl, but there’s no way that she could be The Citizen.  
“Cheryl? That Cheryl?” Gracie asks, pointing at Cheryl who’s currently answering questions.  
“Describe your perfect date.” Stan tells her.  
“That’s a tough one.” She says, laughing to herself. “I’d have to say April twenty fifth because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.”  
“Right, now there is a hardened criminal.” Gracie tells Matthews, shoving the pictures into his chest. Just because she’s a member of a radical group, doesn’t mean she herself is radical. Even if she is, going from protesting about animal rights to becoming The Citizen is too large a leap. Gracie begins to walk away, she’s not going to listen to Matthews try to pin this on Cheryl.  
“Hey, listen to me, Snarky. Maybe she’s an accomplice. Maybe she’s his inside connection. Maybe she’s totally innocent. That’s what you gotta find out.”  
“How?”  
“I don’t know, coax it out of her, buddy up to her. You know, girl talk.”  
“Girl talk?”  
“Yes,” Victor says, jumping in to help the conversation. “Girl talk.” Gracie thinks about girl talk for a moment, and realizes that she’s never had “girl talk.”  
“I’m sorry I’m totally drawing a blank.”  
“Well, leg waxing, fake orgasms, the inability of men to commit.” Victor says, listing off some of the things that are involved in girl talk.  
“Well, why don’t you go talk to her?” Gracie asks, he obviously knows what he’s talking about. Victor and Matthews exchange a look.  
“Just imagine that she’s me, and there’s something you wanna know but I don’t want to talk about it. What would you do?”  
“You want me to beat it out of her?” Gracie asks, incredulously. Matthews and Victor exchange another look.  
“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Matthews asks Victor.  
“Okay, you know what, forget about it, I will go.” Gracie says, reaching into her ear to remove the device within.  
“Woah, woah, woah. Wait a minute. What are you doing? Put that back in your ear.” Matthews tells her.  
“I can’t talk girl talk with a guy in my head.” Gracie tells him. “I can’t even do it with me in my head.” Gracie thinks about how best to get Cheryl to talk about her possible involvement in The Citizen case. 

Gracie walks into the gym carrying a box of pizza and a pack of light beer. She knows that she would just about kill anyone for a carb right about now, and she can’t be the only pageant contestant who feels the same way.  
“Hey, Rhode Island.” Gracie says, making her way to Cheryl. “How ya doin’?”  
“How can you ask that, you heard my interview. I was like a female Rain Man.”  
“Oh, no, it-it-it-it definitely def-def-definetly wasn’t Rain Man. Def-def-definitely wasn’t Rain Man.” Gracie says, reassuring Cheryl. Cheryl looks at Gracie smiling, and chuckles, reassured.  
“Come on and have a midnight snack with me and some girl talk. Come on.” Gracie says.  
“Are you crazy? You can’t have pizza and beer.” Leslie says  
“Do you know how many calories you’re talking about?” Alana asks.  
“Uh, it’s light beer and she’s gonna throw it up anyway.”” Gracie explains to the women. “Come on, come on.” Gracie says, trying to coax Cheryl into talking with her. “No, no takers. No? Alright, well, I’ll just sit here. You guys go back on your little bicycles. And I’ll sit here with my very large cheesy pizza. Ooh, look at all that cheese.” Gracie says, sitting down and opening the box. All of the girls gather around, wanting to eat it, but also not wanting to throw away all of the work that they’ve done to keep their body in the shape it is. Cheryl can’t help herself and goes to grab a slice. The other girls try to stop her.  
“First step, pizza. Second step, flaming batons.” Gracie says, as Cheryl raises the slice of pizza to her mouth. All of the girls watch as Cheryl takes a bite of pizza. Cheryl moans in delight. It’s been so long since she’s had something this indulgent. Seeing Cheryl’s reaction the self-control of the other ladies break and they all take a slice or two of pizza.  
“Guess we’ll be needing some more pizza.” Gracie says to herself, seeing at how well this tactic went with the ladies.  
The ladies all head to a club where they can have some fun, dance, drink, and eat to their heart’s content. At some point during the night the girls are all at the table where they’re taking a quick break from dancing to do some shots.  
“This is so weird, this is my third one of these, and I don’t feel a thing.” Cheryl says to Gracie.  
“Really?” Gracie says. She can’t believe that Cheryl’s already drunk.  
“Kind of like when I answered my interview question.” Cheryl continues.  
“Oh, don’t worry about that we all sucked.” Gracie tells her.  
“You know, I had such a good answer to that question too.”  
“Yeah?”  
“My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic dinner and then we walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and-and music and-and movies!” The girls all “aww” over how cute that sounds. And Gracie can’t help but think to herself a man? But she also takes note of the date idea. Not because she wants to take Cheryl on a date or anything like that.  
“No wonder you’re still a virgin.” Karen says, and everyone laughs. Karen then tries to lead all the girls back out onto the dance floor, but Cheryl and Gracie stay behind to have some more pizza.  
“This is so much fun.” Cheryl tells Gracie.  
“Yeah, it’s fun. So fun it should be illegal. You know? Speaking of illegal, like, have you ever like commited a crime?” Gracie asks Cheryl not so subtly, but that’s okay because she’s drunk.  
“Yes. Yes, I did.”  
“Go on.” Gracie urges her.  
“One time I stole red underwear from the department store. My mother wouldn’t buy them for me. She said they were Satan's panties.” Gracie does her best to hide her laugh. That is so cute.  
“So, is that it?” Gracie asks.  
“Oh well, there was this one thing in college with my lit professor. And, um one day I came to his office because he said he wanted to discuss a paper I wrote. Wanted to discuss a paper, right? Hey um, can I get another one of these tuby things?”  
“Yeah, can we get another tuby, more . . .?”  
“Anyway. He attacked me.” Gracie blinks in surprise, taken aback. That’s not okay, and not something that was Cheryl’s fault. How does she think that this is something illegal that she did?  
“Cheryl-Cheryl did you report him?” Gracie asks, as that is the most pertinent question to ask her in this situation.  
“Oh, no, I never told anyone before this. I-I know that kind of thing happens all the time.”  
“No, no it doesn’t, Cheryl! It doesn’t.” Gracie is so angry that Cheryl lives a life where she thinks that this kind of thing happens all the time. “You know, there’s like so many maneuvers that I could show you that . . . .”  
“Really?” Cheryl asks Gracie excitedly.  
“Yeah. You know what, get up.” Gracie says, tapping Cheryl’s arm to encourage her to stand up.  
“Alright now, firmly plant your feet right here.” Gracie says, grabbing Cheryl by the shoulders, and positioning Cheryl. She turns around to move the chair.  
“Now, if someone comes at you. . .” Gracie says turning around and realizing that Cheryl is now on the floor.  
Gracie bends down and lightly taps Cheryl’s face. “You alright, there?” She asks. Cheryl smiles up at Gracie. “You look really pretty.” Cheryl says, reaching her hand up to Gracie’s face. Gracie blushes. “Thanks Cheryl, let’s get you off the floor.” Gracie reaches down for Cheryl. She places one hand behind her head, and the other behind her back. She begins lifting Cheryl off the floor. She drapes one of Cheryl’s arms over her shoulders, and walks her to the bathroom. Cheryl clings tightly to Gracie, and giggles. Once they’re in the bathroom she sets Cheryl on the counter. She runs a paper towel under some cold water, and then wrings it out. She begins to pat off Cheryl’s face, cooling her off. As she does she can’t help but admire how beautiful Cheryl is. Cheryl looks at her smiling, a strange look in her eyes.  
“You’re really beautiful.” Cheryl tells Gracie. Gracie looks down at herself.  
“No, I’m not. You’re beautiful.”  
“No, I mean it.” Cheryl says, placing her hand on Gracie’s face. Gracie swallows. “The way that you’re so confident of yourself. You’re really funny, and caring.” Cheryl says, as she begins to stroke Gracie’s face. Gracie leans her face into Cheryl’s hand.  
“I’m nothing like you though,” She says, taking Cheryl’s hand in her own. “You’re charming, and kind, sweet, and . . .” Gracie trails off, not wanting to reveal how she really feels about Cheryl. She looks away, trying to hide her feelings. Cheryl turns her head back towards her, and brings her face closer.  
“What else?” Cheryl asks. Gracie shivers a bit, at how close they are.  
“You’re smart, and adorable.” Gracie says as Cheryl leans her head even closer. She’s close enough now that Gracie can smell the pizza and booze on her breath.  
“You think I’m adorable?” Cheryl asks, her voice dropping lower. Gracie says nothing, she can only nod, as she tries not to look at Cheryl’s lips. Cheryl places her other hand on the other side of Gracie’s face. Gracie inhales sharply at the contact.  
“You know,” Cheryl says. “I’ve been thinking about you for a while now. At first, I just thought that you were pretty, but then I got to talk with you and I realized how good of a person you were. I can’t stop thinking about you.”  
“Me either.” Gracie whispers, not believing that this is actually happening. Cheryl leans into Gracie and their lips meet. At first their kiss is hesitant, as they wait for the other to push them away. When neither of them do their kiss deepens as they hungrily drink in the taste of the other. Just as they’re beginning to find their rhythm, Cheryl suddenly pulls back. Gracie is shocked at the sudden loss of warmth, and sees Cheryl rushing into a stall. Gracie joins her, and holds her hair back, as she vomits.  
“I didn’t think it was that bad.” She says, grinning, once Cheryl finishes. Cheryl smiles weakly, wiping the vomit from her lips. Gracie helps her back to the sink, where she rinses her mouth out with water. Gracie sets Cheryl back on the counter and wets another towel.  
She wipes off the sweat,paint, and vomit from Cheryl’s face. The other girls later Join Gracie in the bathroom and laugh at how wasted Cheryl is.  
“Yeah, we should probably get her back before Miss Morning side finds out.” Gracie says, wanting to get back to a more private setting with Cheryl.  
“Oh, Kathy’s just got a boot up her ass about something.” Mary Jo says.  
“Oh, I don’t think she ever got over those rumors.” Alana replies.  
“Come again?” Gracie asks.  
“You know, her pageant years she was a runner up but then the winner just mysteriously gets food poisoning.” Leslie says and the others laugh.  
“Uh-uh. Stan told me that she got a letter like a few weeks back from the network and they’re firing her too. She threw a chair out the window.” Mary Jo informs the girls, who all laugh.  
Cheryl moans, and leans forward into Gracie, who informs the rest of the girls that it’s time for them to go. Gracie holds the girl, as she carries her back to the hotel. She leads Cheryl to her room, while Cheryl clings to her. Gracie opens the door, and leads Cheryl to her bed. She removes her shoes, and tucks her into bed. She glances over at the other bed, and sees that Cheryl’s roommate is asleep. She turns back to Cheryl. She smiles happily at her, and rises to leave. She feels Cheryl’s hand encircle her wrist, and she turns back to her.  
“What?” She asks Cheryl, curiously.  
“Thank you.” Cheryl says. Gracie smiles, and kisses Cheryl again. She pulls back, when she realizes that Cheryl fell asleep. Gracie laughs to herself. She turns Cheryl to the side, and places a trashcan near the bed. She pulls the blankets higher over Cheryl, and plants a kiss on her forehead. Cheryl smiles softly in her sleep.  
Once Gracie safely deposits Cheryl in her room for the night she races to the room that the FBI are camped out in, to tell them about this news that she just found out. She enters the room, and gestures towards Matthews for him to come over and talk to her.  
“Yeah, I hate when I don’t see the wet paint sign.” He says.  
“Ok, stop it listen.” Gracie says, whispering so that she doesn’t interrupt McDonald, who;s on the phone.  
“What, I can’t hear ya, I forgot my ear piece.” Matthews says in reply.  
“Would you stop, I have a lead. It’s not Cheryl.” Gracie tells him.  
“Forget it Picaso, looks like they bagged The Citizen.” One of the agents informs Gracie.  
“What?” Gracie says in surprise and confusion.  
“Alright.” McDonald says, finishing his phone call, and begins to talk with the agents. “It’s confirmed. He was holding up in a little shack in Nevada. Place had enough C-4 to make a new Grand Canyon. Let’s pack up and get the hell out of here.” He informs everyone.  
Gacie thinks to herself, there’s no way that that’s right. The Citizen has got to be Miss Morningside. They must’ve got the wrong guy.  
“Uh. Sir.” Gracie says. “I need to talk to you for a minute. Just one second of your time.”  
“Hart.” Matthews says, trying to stop her. But Gracie doesn’t stop.  
“Just hear me out for a second. I really feel that the situation bears further scrutiny and our continued presence here at the pageant.”  
“What are you deaf? You just got paint in your ears. Look, we caught the guy.” McDonald says confused and angered by her request.  
“Sir, I hear what you’re saying and I totally respect that. If I were you I would probably say the same thing to me, but what if we were wrong? What if The Citizen didn’t send the letter, what if it was a copycat?” Gracie asks.  
“Copycat?” McDonald says, incredulously.  
“No, sir, the letter didn’t follow the normal pattern, the linguistic scheme was totally uncharacteristic, and the DNA said that it was a woman.”  
“Maybe he got his girlfriend to lick the envelope.”  
“Sir. I think we have reason to monitor Kathy Morningside.”  
“Really? Why don’t you jump on her dressed like a Bavarian fruit cake? Look you are the reason I had to drag myself down here in the first place and I don’t want to hear another damn word.”  
“Yes sire, you’re absolutely right. Not another damn word.”  
“Thank you.”  
“But sir,” Gracie says, unable to hold back. SHe knows that she’s right. “She’s getting fired this year which she neglected to tell us.”  
“Hart. You’re already in enough trouble with the review board.”  
“Yeah, yeah. But you know, the other thing when she was in the pageant the only reason she won the crown was because the winner “mysteriously” got food poisoning. How bizarro is that?”  
“Bizzaro?”  
“Oh, oh, and another thing she threatens me, and according to Mary Jo she has a history of violent behavior.”  
“Who the hell is Mary Jo? Look, where are you getting your information from? A pajama party?”  
“No.”  
“Would you just shut up?” Matthews asks her.  
“Why? You’re shuttin’ up enough for the both of us.” She says in reply.  
“Matthews.” McDonald says.  
“Yes.” He replies.  
“Is there any reason to suspect Morningside?”  
Matthews and Gracie have a staredown before he replies.  
“No sir.”  
Gracie rolls her eyes. This is so typical of men. They don’t take her seriously, and look to each other for answers, despite her competence. McDonald looks at her saying “There,” like Matthews answer is the end all of this conversation. Like he actually has done anything for this investigation, when she’s done everything for it.  
“Sir, I request permission to stay behind with a small contingent of agents.”  
“Request denied.”  
“Then I request permission to stay behind alone.”  
“You know what? I don’t care what you do. You want to stay? Stay, but as a private citizen. Turn in your badge and your gun.” McDonald informs her. “Alright, everybody, I suggest you start packing.” He says, and they all leave the room to pack their belongings.  
Gracie looks at Matthews with an accusation in her eye. He’s the leader of this investigation, and she thought, her friend. He’s supposed to stand up for her, especially when she’s the competent one.  
“Come on don’t look at me like I just betrayed you.”  
“No. Betrayal implies an action, you just stood there.”  
“You got nothin’ to go on.”  
“No, you know. I know everyone thinks that I’m a screw up, alright? But for the first time in my life I feel like I’m in the right place at the right time. And I have to protect those girls. It is my job.” Gracie can’t let any of these girls get hurt, especially Cheryl, not now.  
“Fine, but part of doing that job is following orders.”  
“The other part of the job is using your brain, Eric, take the rule book and just throw it out the window.”  
“I like the rule book, ok? I like knowing what I can and I cannot do. You’re not the only one who lives life for the job. And, I want to keep mine for the next twenty to thirty years, thank you very much. Jesus, Hart, just give it a rest.”  
“Sure, give it a rest.” Gracie, says with anger in her voice. How can Matthews be so stupid. He doesn’t understand what she’s trying to say at all. She leans down, and unstraps her badge and gun from her ankle, and places them in Matthews hand. She leaves the room and slams the door shut behind her. If Matthews isn’t going to help her with this, she’ll do it herself.  
Gracie lies in bed that night, her thoughts leading her in two different directions, she wants to try and figure out how she’s supposed to protect the girls from Miss Morningside and make it into the top five without the help of the FBI, but her thoughts keep returning to memories of kissing Cheryl, and thinking about the way that Cheryl feels in her arms. That night Gracie gets a few hours of fitful sleep. 

The next morning Gracie rushes to Victor’s room, so that she can get ready for the next part of the pageant.  
“Ok, Vic, you beautify me. Hair, makeup, shellac, whatever it is you do. Where’s that shiny stuff that you keep putting on my lips? Where you going? Gracie asks, as she notices that he’s packing up.  
“Your agent McDonald insists that I depart. Or I won’t be compensated.”  
“No, no, no, no. After the top ten I am completely on my own. The FBI is gone, it’s not fixed anymore. I need you.”  
“Not anymore. The cocoon is open. I’ve taken a woman without a discernible smidgen of estrogen and transformed her into a lady.”  
“No, Vic, come on.”  
“I’ve never been prouder of myself. Or of any girl that I’ve ever coached. You are truly unique. If I ever had a daughter I imagine she would be something like you. WHich is perhaps why I’ve never reproduced.”  
“Ok, Vic, look I have a really strong feeling somethings going to happen to these girls. You need to stay for me. Please, please.”  
“I can’t, but I can leave you this.” Victor says, handing Gracie a dress box. “I was saving it for tonight. It’s your size, I believe. Good luck to you Gracie. It’s been a privilege.”  
Victor leaves Gracie in the room, and she collapses onto one of the beds, as she tries to figure out her next step. 

Gracie rushes to the dressing room, she missed dress rehearsals, and is still no closer to figuring out how she’s going to make it into the top five. She pushes past the girls, and makes her way to her vanity.  
“Overslept my beauty sleep.” She tells the girls in an excuse for her lateness.  
“Do you need help?” Cheryl asks her, concern in her voice.  
Gracie doesn’t notice, and goes through the contents of her makeup bag, and asks out loud, now which one of these is lipstick. The other girls look horrified, and all gather around Gracies and help her put her makeup on. Gracie smiles, as the girls all begin to put her together. She’s grateful for friends like them at this time.  
Gracie looks up at Cheryl, as she begins putting lipstick on her. She searches Cheryl’s eyes, wondering if she remembers what happened last night, or if she was too drunk. She tries to question her, but the other girls shush her, and they put makeup on her. 

Gracie lines up with all of the girls, and keeps an eye out for Morningside. She sees her besides a case on the ground. Gracie immediately thinks that it may be the bomb, and heads to take a look at what’s in the case. A stage tech opens it up, while she’s investigating and she discovers that it’s just a mic. She rushes back to her place in the lineup of girls.  
All of the girls walk across the stage and then perform a dance number before lining up again, as they wait to see who made it into the top ten. Stan and Kathy begin to call out the states that made it into the top ten. Hawaii. California. New York. Alaska. Texas. New Jersey. Gracie steps down when they call her state, and she trips and falls. She gets back up and joins the other ladies in the top ten. Ohio. Nebraska. Vermont. Rhode Island is the last state called. Gracie is happy that Cheryl made it into the top ten. She glances over at Cheryl, and they both smile happily at one another.  
Gracie changes into her barmaid outfit as she prepares to perform her talent for the next part of the competition, and continues to keep an eye on Miss Morningside.  
As she’s getting ready, she remembers that she has a gift for Cheryl. She picks up the pouch, and brings it over to where Cheryl is getting ready.  
“Hey, I got you something.” Gracie tells Cheryl, and reveals what’s in the pouch. Cheryl exclaims when she sees that the’re fire twirling batons.  
“Oh, but I couldn’t.”  
“No, you can, you ate pizza, you stole panties, you’re a wild woman. Come on we’ve worked for this, remember?” Gracie tells her, and gives her a meaningful look.  
Cheryl smiles happily at the batons. Gracie gives her a thumbs up, and goes back to getting ready.  
Cheryl gets on stage, and dances to the music, her batons tucker under her arms, she begins to twirl them, and then reveals that they’re fire batons. Everyone screams in delight at that. Everyone applauds as she goes through her routine. Gracie happily watches Cheryl’s routine, excited that she’s doing something for herself. Gracie applauds along with the crowd.  
Cheryl leaves the stage, and Gracie hugs her, proud of her. She’s about to say something about last night to Cheryl, but sees Victor.  
Gracie sees Victor gesturing to her, and rushes over to him, pleasantly surprised to see him. When she reaches him, he pushes her into the space where Matthews is hiding out.  
“What are you doing here?” She asks him.  
“I think you might be right. Frank is Kathy Morningside’s son.” Matthews explains to her.  
“What are we doing?” She asks him, as Victor helps her finish getting dressed.  
“McDonald didn’t want to hear about it. It’s just us. We got to go find Frank.” He tells her.  
“Oh, here you are. You’re up next, New Jersey.” One of the aides informs her. The aide gives a meaningful look to Victor and Matthews. Victor winks, and Matthews blushes. Curious. Gracie thinks. What’s going on with them?  
Gracie rushes over to her water glasses, to check that they’re all ready for her act, and finds that the other contestants are drinking the water.  
“Hey, hey, what are you doing? You’re drinking my talent.” The girls all apologize, as they didn’t realize that they were Gracie’s glasses. She tests out the sound of the glasses, as Victor suggests other talents that she could perform, but nothing sounds right.  
“No, you said it before, all I have is sarcasm and a gun.” Gracie tells Victor, as he continues to suggest talents that she can’t do.  
“That and a right hook.” Matthews says, offhand. Gracie gets an idea at that comment.  
Gracie walks out onto the stage sans her cart and water glasses.  
“Good evening. I know the program says I’m supposed to play the water glasses for you, but, uh, some of the girls got dehydrated. I believe that no woman should be without at least the basic knowledge of self-defense, so, uh. In order to show you this, I’m gonna need a little help, and I would like to bring out my assistant, Eric Bob.”  
“I’m going to show you how to inflict maximum damage with the least amount of force. Ok, now in some cases your attacker might come at you in a frontal assault.” She turns towards Matthews, and gestures for him to come at her. She strikes him on the nose, using the palm of her hand.  
“Use the heel of your hand and thrust it upwards, this will cause the nose to break and your assailants eyes to tear, giving you the chance to get away. Alright, let’s say your assailant comes at you from behind.” She readies herself for Matthews to come at her, but no attack comes.  
“Attack me.” She tells him. He gives a miniscule shake of the head. “Oh, wittle Eric looks a wittle scared.” Gracie says in baby talk. “Maybe he needs a wittle bit of applause. She readies herself again, as Eric grabs her from behind. She grabs his arm, and throws him over her shoulder.  
“Now, if all else fails go for the four sensitive areas of the body. Just remember to sing. S-I-N-G.” SHe readies herself for another attack from Matthews. He grabs her from behind again.  
“Solar plexus, Instep, nose, groin.” She says, as she hits each of the corresponding areas on Matthews. She leaves the stage to the crowd’s applause.  
“Alright, let’s go find Frank.” Matthews says, once they leave the stage.  
“You take stage left, I’ll take this side.” Gracie says.  
“No, no. Evening gown now.” Victor tells her. 

Gracie stands on the stage surrounded by the other ladies that made it to the top ten. They’re all in their evening gowns as they anxiously wait to find out which of them made it into the top five.  
California. Rhode Island. Gracie is very happy for Cheryl, but doesn’t have time to linger on that happiness, as she needs to find that bomb. Nebraska. Gracie looks around the stage, looking for Frank. New Jersey. Gracie startles a bit when she hears her name called. She was too busy looking for the bomb to notice that her name was called. Texas is the fifth and final finalist.  
As the other five of the ten are escorted off the stage Karen rushes over to the camera, desperate to get out her message, before any one stops her.  
“I just want to let all the lesbians out there know if I can make it to the top ten, so can you. Big out to Brooklyn, yo! Tina, I love you baby!” She yells, as she is forced off stage. Gracie claps for Karen, impressed and inspired. 

The next part of the pageant is a question session for the final five. Gracies sits on stage with the other four girls as they take turns answering Kathy and Stan’s questions.  
“New Jersey. As you may know there are many who consider the Miss United States pageant to be outdated and antifeminist. What would you say to them?” Miss Morningside asks Gracie.  
“Well, I would have to say I used to be one of them, and then I came here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world. And we’ve become really good friends. I mean I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face, but wait a minute, I’ve already done that. And for me, this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life. And if anyone. Anyone, tries to hurt one of my new friends I would take them out. I would make them suffer so much that they’d wish they were never born. And if they ran I would hunt them down. Thank you Kathy.” Gracie smiles, as she delivers that last message to Miss Morningside, and everyone awkwardly applauses. 

Gracie moves back into the dressing area, as she changes into another gown for the last part of the pageant. She hears the ladies talking to the winner from last year, as they ask where the crown is. She informs them that Frank took it to get polished. In that moment she realizes that the bomb is the crown.  
“Oh my god, it’s the crown.” She exclaims to Victor.  
“Yes it is, you can taste it now.” VIctor says, not realizing what she’s talking about.  
“No, no, no.” She says, trying to clarify what she means, but is rushed out of the room and onto the stage by an aide. She tries to mime to him what she’s talking about as she is pushed onto the stage.  
As Gracie is on the stage, as they are waiting to see who the winner is, she sees Matthews out of the corner of her eyes. She mouths at him “The crown.” and even uses helpful gestures to indicate what she’s talking about, but he is useless, and doesn’t understand. Stan and Kathy take turns announcing the final placement of the girls.  
“The fourth runner up is California.”  
“The third runner up is Nebraska.”  
“The second runner up is Texas.”  
“The first runner up, who will have to take the winner’s place if for any reason she cannot fulfill her duties is New Jersey. Which means our new Miss United States is Rhode Island, Cheryl.”  
Gracie hugs Cheryl, and whispers in her ear as she does so.  
“Don’t take the crown.”  
But Cheryl can’t hear her, and she’s shouting at her as she’s escorted off the stage. Gracie struggles in the arms of the aide escorting her off the stage. As the crown is placed on Cheryl’s head Gracie throws the aide over her shoulder. She’s got to get that crown off of Cheryl. She attacks another aide, as he tries to stop her. Gracie finally reaches Cheryl, and struggles to remove the crown. Cheryl begins to beat her with her bouquet, thinking that she’s attacking her. Texas and Michigan come in to try and pull Gracie off of Cheryl. Gracie pushes them out of the way, no one can stop her from saving Cheryl. Gracie tackles Cheryl, and takes the crown off. Mary Jo tries to stop her, but Gracie punches her. Gracie looks at the crown as she tries to find the bomb. She hears Matthews call her name, and she sees him struggling with Frank. She decides that she’ll just throw the crown, so that when it explodes it won’t hurt anyone. It explodes and everyone shouts in horror. Cheryl faints when she sees the explosion, and Gracie catches her in her arms.  
Gracie and Matthews place Frank and Kathy under arrest, and lead them out to the cars.  
“You have nothing on me, this is ridiculous.” Kathy says.  
“Don’t worry Miss Morningside I’m sure where you’re going they’d love to meet a former beauty queen.” Matthews says.  
“Yeah and when he says meet he means M-E-A-T.” Gracie says. As Gracie’s about to put Miss Morningside into the car she turns around and begins talking.  
“Miss Hart, you don’t understand. All I’m guilty of is trying to make the world a more beautiful place. Look at yourself. Why when I met you Dennis Rodman looked better in a dress. But now you’re a lady. I did that.”  
“No, Vic did that, and a team of highly specialized team of federal manicurist people that make you look you know like beautiful . . . You know what you’re under arrest, get in the car.”  
“You know, you think you saved something tonight, but all you did was to destroy the dream of young women all over this country.”  
“What, you think their dream is to get blown up? You know, you’ve got a really good shot at that insanity plea.” Gracie says, shoving her into the car.  
“Yeah, well I earned it honey. Twenty-five years of bitching beauty queens and what do I get? Fired. They steal my life, they steal my beauty pageant.”  
“Hey, it is not a beauty pageant. It is a scholarship program.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
“Yes.” Gracie says, slamming the door in Miss Morningside’s face. She slams the back of the car.  
“Enjoy your run in the Miss San Antonio Correctional Facility Pageant. Huh?” She says after the car, and laughs at her own joke. Now that Kathy and Frank are under arrest, and all the girls are safe Gracie needs to find Cheryl. She finds her sitting in the back of an ambulance.  
“Hey.” She says awkwardly, unsure of how Cheryl feels about seeing her, as Gracie did just attack her, albeit to save her life.  
“Hey.” Cheryl says, glancing up at Gracie.  
“Can I sit here?” She asks. Cheryl scoots over, and pats the space next to her.  
“I’m sorry about what happened in there,” She says. “But, I really didn’t want you to get hurt.”  
“It’s okay. Now that I know you were saving my life, and weren’t just going crazy.” She says, a grin on her face. Gracie grabs Cheryl’s hands.  
“I would never try to do that. You deserve your win. No one better could’ve won.” Cheryl smiles.  
“I don’t know about that.” She says, removing a hand from Gracie’s to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Gracie stiffens for a moment, before she leans into Cheryl’s touch. Cheryl smiles warmly, leaving her hand on Gracie’s face. Gracie places her hand over Cheryl’s and turns her head into Cheryl’s hand, placing a kiss on her wrist. Cheryl shivers in delight. Cheryl scoots closer to Gracie.  
‘Thank you for saving me.” She tells Gracie.  
“It was nothing.” Gracie says.  
“It was something to me.” Cheryl says, scooting even closer, and leaning towards Gracie. “I’d like to thank you for it.” She says licking her lips. Gracie glances at her lips, and then looks back up at Cheryl’s eyes.  
“Oh really? How are you going to thank me?” Gracie asks, leaning her forehead against Cheryl’s.  
“Like this.” Cheryl says, leaning into Gracie, and kissing her hard on the lips. Gracie pushes her lips against Cheryl. She squeezes Cheryl’s arm, as she pushes her tongue into Cheryl’s mouth, parting her lips. Cheryl moans, allowing Gracie’s tongue inside. The w break apart, when they hear someone clear their throat. They look up at the EMT, blushing.  
“I’ve got to finish some work, I’ll talk to you more later.” Gracie tells Cheryl, winking. Cheryl giggles and nods.  
Later that night after Gracie has finished all her work, she heads to Cheryl’s room. She knocks lightly on the door, not wanting to wake her or her roommate. Gracie hears some rustling behind the door, and then Cheryl opens the door to greet her. Gracie walks into the room, and looks around for Cheryl’s roommate. When Cheryl notices what Gracie is doing she says “She’s not here. Some of the girls were afraid, and wanted to sleep in larger groups. I assured them that I’d be fine “alone.”” Gracie smiles, and turns back to Cheryl smiling. Cheryl picks at Gracie’s hair, pulling out a rose petal. She laughs.  
“Perhaps we should shower.” Cheryl says.  
“You can go first.” Gracie tells her. Cheryl blushes as she replies.  
“I was thinking that maybe we could take one together.” Oh. Gracie thinks to herself. She likes that idea very much. She smiles, grabbing Cheryl’s hand, and leads her to the bathroom. They close and lock the door behind them. They come together, and deeply kiss one another. As they kiss their hands explore one another’s bodies, and unzip dresses. They break apart to start the water, remove their clothing, and unpin their hair. They take a moment to stare at the other’s beautiful body before they step into the warm spray of the shower. Gracie presses herself against Cheryl, and pushes her against the shower wall as she kisses Cheryl some more. Cheryl smiles into the kiss. They break apart for breath, and Cheryl reaches around Gracie to grab her shampoo.  
“Turn around.” She tells Gracie. Gracie is confused, but does as Cheryl asks. She hears Cheryl squirt out some shampoo, and then feels the girl work her fingers along her scalp and through her hair. Gracie sighs. This feels so nice. With as long as her hair is it can be a pain to wash. After Cheryl finishes with the shampoo Gracie takes the bottle from her, and shampoos Cheryl’s hair for her. Cheryl leans back into Gracie as she does so. Gracie leans down to kiss her. The two rinse the shampoo from their hair, and then work the conditioner into each other’s hair.  
As they let the conditioner sit in their hair they begin to wash one another’s bodies. They freely run their hands over one another, and with each touch the throbbing between Gracie’s legs grows more insistent. Gracie runs her hands down the length of Cheryl’s body, and stops them, holding her inner thighs. She looks up at Cheryl, a question in her eye. Cheryl nods, and Gracie pushes Cheryl against a wall, and spreads her legs. Gracie rubs her fingers over Cheryl’s entrance, feeling the wetness between her fingers she looks up at Cheryl again, and watches her face as she touches her. Cheryl bites her lip, and groans with pleasure. Gracie continues watching Cheryl’s face as she slips a finger inside Cheryl. Cheryl’s hand flies to her mouth as she tries to smother a moan. Gracie let’s her finger sit there for Cheryl to get used to, while she plants kisses along Cheryl’s stomach. Gracie gently teases the entrance, and slides in another finger. Cheryl clenches around her. As Cheryl relaxes Gracie begins to gently stroke her fingers against Cheryl’s G-spot. Cheryl shivers at the touch. Gracie grins, and begins to stroke faster. Cheryl lets out another moan. Gracie slows her stroking, and begins to thrust her fingers in and out of Cheryl’s opening, brushing her fingers against Cheryl’s clitoris. Cheryl gasps in delight. Gracie looks up at Cheryl, grinning. Cheryl looks down at Gracie, her eyes glassy as she orgasms. Gracie continues to gently tease Cheryl’s clitoris until the glassiness leaves her eyes.  
She rises back up, and kisses Cheryl. Cheryl kisses her back, as her hand wanders towards Gracie’s thighs. She rubs her fingers against Gracie’s opening in a circular motion, and Gracie gently rocks her hips in time against Cheryl’s hand. Cheryl breaks apart from the kiss. She leaves a trail of kisses along Gracie’s torso as she continues to rub against Gracie’s opening. As her kisses travel lower she gently begins to tease Gracie’s clitoris, her touch feather light. Gracie tries to lean into the touch, but Cheryl keeps the pressure light. As the pressure between Gracie’s legs begins to throb Cheryl thrust a finger into Gracie. Gracie shivers at the sensation. Cheryl begins to slowly thrust her finger into Gracie, all the while kissing lower and lower. Cheryl removes her finger, and Gracie groans at the loss. She looks down at Cheryl, and watches as she pushes her to the wall, and lifts her leg over her shoulder. Cheryl places her lips against Gracie’s opening, and begins to tease her tongue against Gracie’s clitoris. Gracie leans her hips further into Cheryl’s touch. Cheryl presses her tongue into Gracie’s opening, and flicks it. Gracie gasps at the sensation. As Cheryl continues Gracie feels her pleasure mounting and moans as she orgasms. Cheryl laps Gracie up as she comes. Cheryl rises up to kiss Gracie again. As they kiss Gracie can taste herself on Cheryl’s lips. Gracie and Cheryl kiss until the water runs cold.  
They finish rinsing off in the cold water, and then step out to dry. They run their fingers through each other’s hair as they take turns blowing it dry. Gracie doesn’t have anything to change into, so Cheryl lends her an oversized shirt to sleep in. They lay on the bed and just look at one another. Cheryl runs her fingers through Gracie’s hair, a smile on her face.  
“Does this mean that we’re dating now?” Cheryl asks her. Gracie smiles at her and nods. The two of them fall asleep in each other’s embrace, a matching smile on their faces. 

Gracie and Matthews are leaving the hotel the next day, ready to go back to New York, and are talking to one another.  
“A part of you is gonna miss this.” Matthews says to her.  
“I know I’m gonna miss the heels, cause they do something for my posture. I’m suddenly very proud and aware of my breasts.”  
“Very funny me too.”  
“Agent Matthews, Gracie. Thank god you’re still here. There’s been an emergency at the farewell breakfast. Somebody’s found some sort of, an incendiary device. Come on. Quickly,. Come on.”  
Gracie and Matthews rush to the breakfast, and push their way through the crowd of contestants.  
“And here she is.” Gracie hears Cheryl saying as she enters the room. All of the ladies stand up, turning to face her, and break out into applause.  
“That’s not gonna work for me.” Gracie says, turning around ready to leave the room. Matthews and Victor turn her around, and push her towards Cheryl.  
“I can’t go up there.” Gacie tells them. She’s not sure if she can be near Cheryl without showing how much she loves her.  
“I knew I’d never get you here, unless you knew you had the chance to shoot someone.” Victor says, as they push her to where Cheryl is standing. Well, he could’ve told her that Cheryl would be there. That would be more than enough to get Gracie there. Cheryl smiles at Gracie, and gestures for her to join her.  
“Ladies and gentlemen, Agent Gracie Hart of the FBI.” Cheryl says, introducing Gracie.  
Gracie smiles, gives a quick thumbs up, and attempts to quickly leave.  
“No, not so fast.” Cheryl says, pulling Gracie back towards her, taking her hand, and giving it a squeeze for strength. “Because, even though you’re a federal officer, to us you’ll always be Gracie Lou Freebush, the nicest, sweetest, coolest girl at the pageant and this year’s Miss Congeniality.” Cheryl smiles lovingly at Gracie and places a sash on her, and hands her a trophy. Everyone applauds, as Gracie starts to make a speech.  
“I uh, I don’t know what to say. Um, except for, uh, well I can’t wear this at work.” Gracie says, pointing at the sash, and the crowd laughs. “Uh, never thought that anything like this would ever happen to me. I kind of hoped it wouldn’t, but now that it has, um, I just want to say that uh, very, uh very honored. And moved. And truly touched.” She says, looking happily at Cheryl. “And, I really do want world peace.” Gracie finishes. As she tries to hold back her tears she and Cheryl hugs her, squeezing tight. Gracie squeezes back, trying to put her love into the hug. The other ladies come up on stage to hug her too.  
The End

**Author's Note:**

> Expect another fic in a similar style for the second movie.


End file.
